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Raking Leaves Against the Wind Leading Cause of Suicide, Researches Find

Raking Leaves Against the Wind Leading Cause of Suicide, Researches Find published on 503 Comments on Raking Leaves Against the Wind Leading Cause of Suicide, Researches Find

             Researchers at the WormHole Square Institute For Suicide Prevention, have determined that raking leaves against the wind is the leading factor that will cause someone to commit suicide.

                 “It’s not even close,” says researcher, Matt Higgins.  “Raking leaves against the wind is by far the thing that will make someone drive their car off a cliff, stick their head in an oven, or watch the Fishing Channel on TV.”

             Climate change has made things worse with the increase in the occurrence of windy days.  The researchers also found other infuriatingly frustrating situations that contribute directly to suicide which include: Trying to light the pilot on a water heater in the dark (note: this factor also included an active gas leak, so suicide data not reliable ).  Trying to repackage a product into a box that has multiple form fitting styrofoam shapes inside, also made the list.

              Higgins offers this advice to people to prevent leaf raking related suicides: “Never, never, ever rake leaves on a bridge, roof of a high rise apartment building, or an outdoor shooting range surrounded by oak trees, during the autumn/monsoon season.” He went on.  “And don’t even think about raking leaves in Chicago or any trailer parks on the plains. And it goes without saying, you’re a ​dead man walking if you rake leaves in Baltimore after spending all day at the DMV… ( or anything else ) after dark… even if there is no wind.”

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