Yesterday, the Dobson’s, a seedless grape couple from the lower Eastside Vines community, were rejected in their attempt to adopt children.

                              “We discovered some troubling information in their background check,” says adoption caseworker, Jason Wright.   Apparently, several years ago, Mrs. Dobson worked in a club as a stripper.  That’s simply unacceptable.”

                  “Yes, it’s true, I did work as a stripper when I was younger,” says Mrs Dobson.  “However, I only peeled back a little skin.  It was tasteful and I only did it long enough to pay my way through etiquette school… where I learned the skills to become a successful call girl.”

                 Caseworker Jason Wright continues.  “Then it says here that two years ago Mrs. Dobson was convicted of stabbing a fisherman in the neck with the remnants of a bottle of Pinot Grigio, all because he whistled at her in a karaoke bar.”

                 “That was just a flat out misunderstanding,” says Mrs Dobson.  “Turns out, the fisherman was whistling that Don’t Worry Be Happy Song.  But just as well, everybody hated that song.  If I hadn’t done it, somebody else would have.”

                       And Mr. Dobson was busted by the Feds last April for running an illegal pelican fighting ring in his basement.

                      “We have to expect a certain standard of acceptable behavior, past, present, future,” says Mr. Wright.  “The Dobson’s were rejected because we felt that they would not provide a child of any age with a safe and nurturing environment.”

           Mr. Dobson, on his pending pelican fighting charges:  “That situation is still making its way through the legal system.  I fully expect to beat the rap, considering the fact that everything we did was by the book.  The pelicans all signed waivers and releases.  The refs were all trained in CPR, beak trauma, and how to spot depression in flightless birds… so we’re legit.”