Yesterday, Kegan Taylor, 33, was injured when he attempted to retrieve a hamburger that had been placed on a trap by an unknown perpetrator.

                       “Nobody would have suspected in a thousand years… that this burger was part of an elaborately disguised ambush,” said a mouse known to the locals as Sniff.   “Like… my main concern was that it wasn’t a legit burger.  I mean, they’ve got all these new plant based imitation meat patties coming out now.  You just can’t be sure what you’re getting when you go into a store, a restaurant, or when you attempt to lift one off of a cleverly camouflaged booby trap.”

                      Mr. Taylor suffered a flattened hand and a giant knot on the side of his head when the trap was triggered.

                     “The pain was awful,” Mr. Taylor said.  “But the worst part is that now none of my gloves fit right… and all my hats lean to the side, all pimp-like.”

                         An orthopedic hand specialist was brought in to weigh different options to   unflattened Taylor’s hands.

                                “A basketball pump with a dual hose inserted into the palms of the hands was unsuccessful,” said Doctor Sidney Yee.   “Yes, the hands did regain some volume when air from the pump was inserted.  However, Mr. Taylor’s hands went flat a short time after, when the inserted air did not hold.  Instead, the inserted air exited through his nose, left ear and anus, producing an odd aroma somewhat akin to rubbing a Viking’s armpit repeatedly up against a leather saddle.”