Early this morning, George Pilsner, 38, was assailed by two hundred and fifty-seven feet of register receipt tape, as he self-checked out of the WormHole Square grocery store.

                    “Is it me, or does it seem like grocery store register receipts are getting longer and longer these days,” said Sally Salisbury, 72, who witnessed the altercation.   “And this register receipt was particularly aggressive, I thought.   First, swooping around that young man like a viper, engulfing him with an endless barrage of worthless coupons, rebates, and unreachable cash back points.”

                          The receipt tape continued to wrap around Mr. Pilsner until he was completely covered, mummified, and rendered unable to move.  It was at this point that several customers began complaining to the store manager that Mr. Pilsner was holding up Self Check Out Lane.

                 “My ice cream was melting, so I called for the manager,” said Chaucey Ray, 41.  “I mean, I felt sorry for the guy, and all.  I mean… no one expects to go into a grocery store to pick up some beans and potato bread, and what not, only to be turned into King Tut.  I mean… that would wreck anybody’s day, right?  But still, my Ben & Jerry’s was starting to go soft.  What was I supposed to do?”

                   Mr. Pilsner was later hauled away by a group of archaeologists from the Egyptian Origami Consortium.