Last week, The International Planetary Committee and Dry Cleaners Association, determined that Sumo wrestler, Joe Nagahide, like planets in our solar system, has his own gravitational pull.

               “It was an astounding discovery,” says Lynn Chevenay, Chairperson of The International Planetary Committee and Dry Cleaners Association.   “We discovered it by accident, really, while Mr. Nagahide was visiting our headquarters with a Japanese delegation.  Mr Nagahide was walking by our cafeteria, when all of the sudden… dozens of otherwise inert food items began to gravitate around him.  I’m talking burgers, fries, Italian meatballs, macaroni salad, tuna  sandwiches, etc., and even an armada of corndogs.  Mr. Nagahide then consumed every last food item in his orbit, including the corndogs and even the sticks that hold them.  Subsequently, Mr. Nagahide’s loincloth was stained with fallout from the Italian meatball sauce.  Immediately, several of our members began taking readings with their gravimeters. The results were conclusive and compelling.  While other members began to apply perchoroethylene, bromopropane, and lemon juice to get the Italian meatball sauce stains out of his loincloth.   Collectively, our members were thrilled to experience a body mass of his size with its own gravitational pull and also, what we think was, a rather rare nearby WormHole, at the same time.”

                  Despite having his own gravitational pull, The International Planetary Committee and Dry Cleaners Association has determined that Mr. Nagahyse is not a planet.

                    “He’s large enough to be his own planet,” says Ms. Chevenay.   “And although he’s gotten an official planet designation from George Jefferson, he lacks an official endorsement from George Jetson.”