Achard Tartton, 47, a dragonslayer from the upper west side, has been singled out by his family as having serious hoarding issues.   And although Achard’s one bedroom apartment is overrun with excessive amounts of wagon wheels, water buckets goblets, and dead dragons, he is adamant that he doesn’t have a problem.

                           “Okay, sure, maybe I’ve got so much stuff crammed in here that I can’t get into the bathroom to use the chamber pot without using a car jack and a forklift,” Achard says.  “But that’s not hoarding.  That’s bad Feng Shui.  Nothing a few potted plants and strategically placed area rugs can’t fix.”

                     “Achard has all of the symptoms of the classic hoarder,” says therapist, Julie Winters.  “Denial, first of all, and the need to bring more useless stuff into the environment, like old threadbare horse saddles, termite infested, treadless wagon wheels and VHS copies of The Walking Dead, which only exacerbates things.  And most hoarders, like Achard, have dead animals and dead zones of Netflix reception scattered around the space.  And this goes along with their general substandard level of dental hygiene.  In addition, the inability to complete a basic crossword puzzle without the help of  a wizard, like Merlin, or a Strayer University graduate is very common.”

                    Julie has been working with Achard, trying to convince him to throw out some of his clutter.  But Achard insists that everything in his apartment serves a viable purpose in his life, including mega-stacks of items in his kitchen, which include Shaq sneakers and rotary phones.