Yesterday, Alan Cole, 45, reported some very unusual side effects after receiving the Covid-19 vaccine.

                 “Well, everything was fine… and then about six hours after I got the vaccine, both of my forearms started swelling up, like, four times their normal size,” Mr. Cole says.   “And then for no apparent reason, I started eating spinach like crazy.  And then I felt a burning desire to become a sailor… or to cuss like one… or at least learn how to tie a fucking anchor hitch knot, for fuck’s sake.   That was quickly followed by the urge to smoke a pipe.  Again, for no fucking apparent reason what so motherfucking ever.  Odd.   In addition, I had this urgent taste for some extra virgin olive oil, so I would drink a ton of that.   After which,  I felt this strange, uncontrollable urge to have sex with skinny, flat-chested bitches.  And finally, my appetite to eat spinach grew even more intense, so I would put some of that extra virgin olive oil on top of that shit.  Only to find out the olive oil was not so extra virgin at after all.  After which, I would go forth and beat the living shit out of any fat guy with a bushy moustache that I saw.  Again, for no goddamn apparent reason at all.”

            Mr. Cole did report one additional, significant side effect of note.

             “So… there was another fucked-up, consequential thing that happened to my ARM after I got the Covid-19 vaccine,” Cole says.   “My Adjustable Rate Mortgage increased by .3%.  Ain’t that a bitch!”